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Subject: ***CHUCKLES***
Replies: 22 Views: 766
rider13 28.07.10 - 03:01am
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.
After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, If he gets loose, will he hurt us?
*
rider13 28.07.10 - 03:03am
Well, if it's that obvious to a child...
A man had a habit of grumbling at the food his wife placed before him at family meals. Then he would ask the blessing.
One day after his usual combination complaint-prayer, his little girl asked, Daddy, does God hear us when we pray?
Why, of course, he replied. He hears us every time we pray.
She pauses on this a moment, and asked, Does he hear everything we say the rest of the time?
Yes, dear, every word, he replied, encouraged that he had inspired his daughter to be curious about spiritual matters.
However, his pride was quickly turned to humility...
Then which does God believe?
*
rider13 28.07.10 - 03:04am
An Email From God
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.
When she returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.
Well, he thought for a moment and said, maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another point of view.
So God called another angel and sent her to Earth for a time too.
When the angel returned she went to God and told him yes, the Earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good.
God said this was not good. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good and He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what that E-mail said????
You didn't get one either,.....huh?
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rider13 28.07.10 - 03:24am
A pig is rated the fourth most intelligent, but is only mentioned twice in the Bible! *
rider13 30.07.10 - 05:23am
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon; with great expression he said, If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.
With even greater emphasis he said, And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.
And then finally, he said, And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.
He sat down.
The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, For our closing song, let us sing Hymn 365: Shall We Gather at the River.
*
rider13 30.07.10 - 05:26am
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.
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rider13 31.07.10 - 02:18am
Short Funny Questions
How do you know if you are out of invisible ink?
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
Why is there no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburgers, and neither apple nor pine in pinapple?
Why is a slim chance the same as a fat chance?
Why are quite a few the same as quite a lot?
Why does my alarm clock go off when it goes on?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Why isn't phonetics spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of para es?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
*
endtimes 31.07.10 - 05:51am
haha! Gud ones sisi. 
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rider13 1.08.10 - 03:56am
Thanks, I figured we all need a chucle now and then. If you have any feel free to add them. *
jewely31 2.08.10 - 04:15am
H20
In a classroom Teacher: What is the formula of water?
Student: Mam...H,I, J, K, L, M, N, O
Teacher: That's not what I taught you.
Student: But u said Mam d formula for water is from H to O. Ur a teacher u dnt know?
*
rider13 2.08.10 - 04:34pm
Funneee thanks sis *
rider13 4.08.10 - 03:46am
Confessor: I have stolen a fat goose from a poultry yard!
Priest: That is very wrong.
Confessor: Would you like to accept it, Father?
Priest: Certainly not- return it to the man whom you stole it from.
Confessor: But I have offered it to him and he won't have it.
Priest: In that case you may keep it yourself.
Confessor: Thank you, Father.
The Priest arrived home to find one of his geese had been stolen...
*
rider13 4.08.10 - 03:47am
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, Why is the bride dressed in white?
Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said So why is the groom wearing black?
*
rider13 12.08.10 - 01:55am
Is that ALL you can say sisi? Well it was meant to make people laugh so guess it did it's job! *
rider13 14.08.10 - 06:20am
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. Albert Einstein
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rider13 14.08.10 - 06:20am
How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg. Abraham Lincoln
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rider13 14.08.10 - 06:26am
Quotations from Aussie flight engineers reports (Dare you fly Quantas???) After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
*
rider13 14.08.10 - 06:27am
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in pit.
S: Something tightened in pit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
rider13 14.08.10 - 06:27am
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in pit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
*
jewely31 17.08.10 - 04:06am
*
rider13 1.09.10 - 02:58am
Prospecting for the Lord
On a sunny Sunday afternoon, two young church members were going door to door to invite people to visit their services. When they knocked on one door, it was immediately clear the woman who answered was not happy to see them.
She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message, and before they could say anything more, she slammed the door in their faces.
To her surprise, however, the door did not close; in fact, it bounced back open. She tried again, really putting her back into it, and slammed it again with the same result - the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in her door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson. Just then, one of them said quietly: Ma'am, before you do that again, you really need to move your cat.
*
rider13 1.09.10 - 02:59am
A Special Find
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
Momma, look what I found, the boy called out.
What have you got there, dear? his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: I think it's Adam's suit!
*
